Speak it!

Words are very powerful and of course you know this since you are reading this blog and probably many others.  What we say and think can and will have a profound effect on what we receive into our lives and how we react in challenging circumstances.  As we know life isn’t easy and we can surround ourselves with “the row” (a group of positive, transparent and honest friends), but it is how we interact with ourselves that will directly correlate to our existence on this earth.

Since everything starts with a thought, an idea, we have to first train our brains to think positively. We need to train the brain to think about what is going good instead of everything that is going bad. I have friend that used to remind me when I would fall into the abyss of self doubt, pity, etc to write out a gratitude list. The process, although it may seem simple, can be a struggle when you in the thick of things.  But the task itself works, even if temporary, it works.  It takes away hours of negative thinking and emotions, sometimes days and/or weeks. But let’s go a little further and speak it.

Say your gratitude list aloud.  Really read the words that you placed on paper. Go further and create affirmations to go around your room, bathroom, closet, mirrors, car dashboard, etc. Read them aloud in the morning, midday, and evening. Train your brain to think positive and watch things shift in your environment. See, it’s contagious–positivity. People love it, they can’t get enough. Soon you will notice people drifting towards you but remember to not drain the well. Replenish yourself.

Today someone told me that there was something different about me and I told them that I was trying to be more positive.  Because positivity for me is life. Without it, I’m consumed with problems of my world and THE WORLD. I get sick, lethargic, irritable. Although my colleague couldn’t quite place the difference in her own words initially, she later emailed me “It’s your aura”. Wow! Mind blown. This energy again, may be a lifeline that you need or those around you may need like your spouse, children, siblings, parents, and colleagues.

So,speak your dreams into existence, speak your love into existence, speak your triumphs into existence, speak your peace into existence. Through positive self talk you can impact more than just yourself, you can be the difference  for someone else.

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How to Deal with Negative People

Sometimes you have to accept that those closest to you will not value you or see your worth. They will only see what it is that they have envisioned for you and how you are not living up to it. They will only see the negative and any positive will not be recognized. This may be a result of many different factors but none of them matter. It is not necessary to find out why they treat you the way that they do, if their treatment is not impeding your progress but just upsetting you emotionally then let go. These people may be your colleagues, supervisors, friends, or even family. In most situations it is someone that you cannot easily rid yourself of but that’s okay. It’s okay because you have a few options to remedy the situation.

Option #1: You can return their rude remarks with kindness and pray for them.

Option #2: You can let them know in a direct way that their words are mean, rude, and unwelcome.

Option #3: You live one life, cut them off.

Now, the last option is hard to do for most of us, which is why we are presently in these situations.   If the person is your boss and you need your job, then you are operating about of a place of fear. If the person is part of your family, especially immediate family, you are operating out of loyalty and attachments. This is the same with friends. You may feel that you need these connections so you stay tied to them and miserable. When that misery starts affecting your mood, making you doubt yourself, and hindering you because you are feeding into their perception of you then it is time to stop operating out fear, loyalty, and attachments and cut cords. This doesn’t have to happen in a malicious way but once you have done this, you may be able to access your true feelings more clearly. You may either see that you now feel relieved and more self-assured or maybe they weren’t the problem to begin with and you have to work on yourself.

Either way, make a plan and get to living your best life since you only have one opportunity to do so.

7 Steps for Dating Online

 

With sites like POF, Tinder, and OkCupid, and living at such a fast pace, a lot of people have turned to online dating to find a friend, partner, or spouse.  But, as I have seen recently with some of my own friends, this can be murky territory.  People can present themselves one way online and be totally different once you meet them.  It is important as single parents (which this site caters to) to be even more careful since there are children involved.  Here are seven steps to help you navigate this terrain:

1. Post a clear pic of yourself that is current (within a year) and without location markers in the background.  This is important if you meet a future stalker, you don’t want this person to be able to look at your pic and figure out where you and your family lives.
2. Cross-reference.  Once you have found someone who interests you online, do a little digging on the Internet.  Check them out using a Google search, LinkedIn, etc.  See if they are being as transparent as they can online and truthful.
3. Keep it online initially.  The reason I say this is so that you can learn more about the person while you are still in the safe zone.  Some feel the opposite and want to meet in person as soon as possible but, if the said individual is not safe, you have averted a possible dangerous situation.
4. Believe what they say.  While corresponding with them, they immediately mention that they are not looking for anything serious believe them.  If after chatting with them numerous times and they are always making sexual innuendo but you want something deeper, let go and move on.  Do not waste time living in la la land.  Do not look at the pic or see them in person and let the physical override your common sense.  Remember there are children involved.
5. Initially meet them in public place. Do not have them pick you up at your home or even relatives house.  Great first dates can happen during brunch time and early evening hours.
6. Try hard to take it slow in the beginning.  Sometimes people can put on a show for 3-6 months but usually it quickly unravels after that.  If you move too fast, you risk the chance of becoming attached to a person and feel conflicted because you want to leave but comfort and emotions and overpower reason.
7. Do not immediately have them around your child(ren).  This one is self-explanatory.

Of course, there are other precautionary measures to take but, I thought these were the biggies.  I would love to tell you, just have fun and throw caution to the wind but as single parents that may not be the smartest thing to do.  I, myself, have been toying with the idea of getting on one of these sites in the future when my life settles down but in the interim I have seen through my friends and even colleagues, that serious consequences can occur. So, I’m sorry but not sorry for the heaviness of this post.  Everything should be alright if we use our heads.

The Binder

Hey!  This is the first real week of the new year and I am overly excited about my journey this year to publishing my first children’s book and creating the life that I deserve.  I have listened in on a lot of motivational conference calls and come across free goal strategy sessions and resources.  There is a wealth of information out there and all of it is accessible and most of it is affordable.  Of course, my idea of affordable at this moment is free.

Anyway, the best idea I came across obviously came from trolling Pinterest.  If you have been following me you already know how much I love Pinterest.  A couple of weeks back I found a lot of free templates for creating personal mission statements, budgeting and getting your finances together, goal setting sheets, health and spirituality templates.  Then the mother of all ideas of which I had never thought about before was creating a “Vision Binder” or “Life Binder”.  I even created one for my friend.

I am all about living purposefully and achieving my dreams so I want to be intentional in my strategy and how I use my time each day to work towards my goals and vision for my life.  What I learned is that when you right it down and constantly come back and review and make it a priority in your day, you will most likely achieve your goals.  I have this poster in my classroom that reads “A goal without a plan is just a wish”.  That quote is accurate.  How many times have we made goals or resolutions and never stuck to them because we did not create a detailed plan and constantly go back and review it throughout the year?

Check out my Pinterest board Boss Behavior and download some of the free templates, read some of the articles, and comment on whether or not it was helpful.  I would love to hear from you.  Also, I created a vision board for 2016 and I posted above my new desk in my room (I had my teenage daughter create one also and this is a great bonding activity.  Have them present their vision board and explain).

I am so proud of this board because I have a gut feeling that 2016 is going to be My Year! Let’s make it the best year so far together!

Happy New Year!

 

Goal Setting with Purpose

Photo Courtesy of entertainmentcareerstrategy.com

 

I am really excited about this new season in my life and I am trying to prepare for it purposefully.  So many times I have said all of these things that I would do and make a plan that I may or may not have followed through on.  The problem is that I did not set up an environment to succeed.  So, the first thing that I am encouraging all to do is purposefully plan out an environment in which you will succeed.

For me, my home has to be clean, orderly, and as free from as many distractions as possible (not including the children).  As a single parent this can be hard but I finally saved enough money to employ some extra help, as in a maid service and carpet cleaner (use Groupon).  I figure that I may be able to afford this once per season if I budget appropriately.  I also bought another desk that I do not have to share with my teenage daughter and four-year-old son.  This is my personal workspace free from clutter and distractions.

The next thing I did was consult the pros (Pinterest, Instagram, the self-help section at Barnes and Noble).  I hope you know that I was smiling when I typed the last sentence but, it’s true for me.  I follow some amazing people on social media who are starting from scratch or who have started from scratch and are doing very well.  They offer inspiration and advice which is why I created the board “Boss Behavior” on Pinterest.

Please go check it out.  This board is all about the third step of creating a binder for 2016.  I have this poster in my classroom that says “A Goal without a Plan is just a Wish”.  The binder will hold the plan and the process.  I found templates for mission statement sheets, goal setting forms, budgeting and bill paying, spiritual health, physical health, and more.  I bought dividers and created sections to chart my growth.

The main goal is to become a published author by the end of 2016.  My other goals, I have one for each section of the binder: are to lose weight, create a solid nutrition regimen, be more productive at work, pay of at least two bills on my credit report, and build a stronger foundation spiritually.

Lastly, I will take the next seven days to create an action plan with steps to achieve each goal and just start.  My hope is that by sharing my journey with you, you will also be inspired and we will all live a life that is purposeful.  As single parents it may be harder to carve out time so I will continue to share how I find ways through my posts in the new year.

I would also like to add that I am reading a book called the “The 5 AM Miracle: Dominate Your Day Before Breakfast” by Jeff Sanders and it is truly inspirational.  I just want to be able to implement; I will share more as I continue to read.

Well, now it’s time to go get planning!

Re-Visioning

It has been a while since I have posted to this blog and it is because sometimes life gets in the way.  Mine became all-consuming and I started to drift off into a place where I felt detached from myself.  I was just a robot doing what needed to be done and existing but not living.  The more time away from writing, the more I became detached.  Words are my life!  My goal is to get it back and focus on what matters “MOST”,  hence, the title Re-Visioning.

I have my students revise their drafts because sometimes it lacks focus, purpose, or careless mistakes have been made.  Some drafts are beautifully written but can be taken to the next level.  That is how I explain it when they ask why they have to revise.

Life can be revised.  Sometimes we get into a pattern where we lose focus, purpose and make careless mistakes.  Sometimes we are at the top of our game but just need to switch gears and try something new.

I am at that point.  I am re-visioning my life and doing what works for me and mine (my household).  My goal of getting published this year did not occur because I drifted and got caught up in existing.  Do not let this happen to you and if it does, know that you can switch gears. A new year is coming but more importantly a new day.  It doesn’t matter how far down the wrong path you have traveled, as long as you stop and turn around.  We can constantly recreate the life that we want for ourselves.  We can constantly revise our plans when thrown a curve ball.  We can re-vision our purpose.  It is never too late.  What I will not do is look back another 10 years from now and ask “Why didn’t I even try?”

Be A Warrior in Your Relationships

Well, I have moved back to my old neighborhood and I am glad because the kids are happy, their schools are closer, and it’s beautiful here.  Along with this move came a reconnection to their dad.  Our past is somewhat intense.  We met in high school and knew then that we wanted to be together “forever” but as we all know, when kids get involved and only one parent matures, it makes for some heavy situations.  Fast forward 14 years and we are both a lot more mature and it is time to act as such.

I have come to the realization that it is important for our daughter to finally see her parents interact in a positive way and our 3.5 year old son to have his dad around on a consistent basis (also in a positive way).  So, I extended the olive branch and offered for him to spend time with the kids and then when they went to bed we could watch the first game of the NBA finals.  Both of us are going for Golden State!

Anyways, he was surprised because I never wanted to watch sports with him when we were together in the past nor did I really want him watching sports alone.  I’d rather have him watch a good Lifetime Movie with me. So, he accepted the offer and was pleasantly surprised when he saw that I had brought two different types of wings, chips and dip, and beer and wine for the game.

We watched it and celebrated the ups and downs of the game.  As we sat there glued to the screen and the food, it suddenly hit me that there was a clear power struggle between him and me. I didn’t want to give up control and he didn’t either.  We also weren’t keeping the kids and each other partner first.  We were young and selfish.  All he wanted was my presence sharing an experience that he enjoyed.  Crazily I used to be so mad at him for other actions that I tied it to anything that he wanted to do and “didn’t do it”.

Needless to say it was a great experience sharing a positive night with their dad and since then he has come over more often to spend time with the kids, talk about our daughters grades and our sons progress in a new preschool, and just relax.

What I want to end with is the fact that there shouldn’t be a power struggle because those types of struggles don’t account for the children.  We need to focus on healthy relationships, which sometimes mean sacrifice, for our kids.

Small Feats

Courtesy of abowlfulloflemons.net

Today I was listening to one of my favorite radio stations when I heard the term “Get it Done”.  I usually use a more inappropriate variation of the same term but it all means the same thing.  So many times I make lists of things that I want to accomplish and months later, I can check some things off but not enough.  I want to accomplish all of my dreams, especially my big one’s but I seem to lose stamina because they are so big.  I know some will say that motivation is the issue but, I am not sure if it’s motivation or persistence.  I have bought so many calendars and journals to write down my plans but they were never specific enough.  I just ended up wasting money on another journal full of dreams.  What I realize as I get older and as I monitor myself for online graduate studies is that if I break things down into smaller tasks that are day by day or week by week, I accomplish more and I accomplish more on time!  The feeling of completing something small in relation to a bigger dream feels really good.  So, of course I have come up with a way to organize my small feats that tackle my bigger than life dreams.

I can use one of the many calendars or notebooks that I have already purchased and map out a week at a time.  If you are like me, you have many goals that you want to accomplish which is why it is important to color code them.  I love, love, love my Staedtler pens.  They help me clearly see that I am accomplishing multiple tasks a day in regards to each of my goals.  Use a different color for each dream/goal.  Darken your lines when you are nearing the completion of goals. If it is a huge project, you may want to do weekly or monthly checklists.  If it is not that sizable, you may benefit from a daily checklist.  Check them off when you complete them and or revise and shift things around as necessary. Each day we should all be doing something that emphasizes our talents and pushes us closer to our goals. Otherwise, we will go crazy or get depressed because we have surrendered to a dream deferred.  Look for more posts on this topic to come.

P.S.= Do whatever works for you, but just make sure to get it done!

Passion and Purpose

Today I just want to vent a little.  For the past several years I have been trying to do big things and open doors for myself to new opportunities.  I have gone to trainings, received degrees, taken on more responsibility, let others know what I want and everything else positive that would set me up for success.  The issue is that every door that has been closed has stayed closed.  I have received so many rejection emails (none in regards to my writing) that it would make the average person give up.  But, now it is year six and still no bite.  I am getting antsy because bills are piling up, I have children to take care of, and the income is not meeting the demand.  I am working multiple jobs where I am so tired that I just cannot bring myself to write.

Well, no longer!  What I have been doing is following an agenda that is not aligned with my passion and purpose.  As a single parent, I am thinking about affording college, daycare, rent, utilities, groceries, car, etc.  The epiphany has come to me many times before but has rung more clear today than it ever has.  Follow my passion.  Follow my purpose.  And at least if I still continue to struggle, I will be a lot happier knowing that I tried and did something I loved.

I am by no means a quitter.  But, I am wearing myself thin.  I rarely have time with my children trying to make enough to support them and I am still coming up short.  I am writer and motivator.  I want to help other single parents and write for a living.  I want to help society as a whole by those means.  Whether or not it becomes lucrative is of no concern to me.  I want to live with no regrets.

I regret the amount of time that I have already lost away from my children.  I regret running myself into the ground and not focusing on my health and multiple sclerosis trying to take on extra assignments that aren’t recognized nor appreciated.  It is time to live for me and my family.

I hear a lot of my friends questioning their purpose and current situations.  I hear a lot of regret.  I guess the question we end up asking ourselves or should ask ourselves is “what legacy do I want to leave behind?”

Then, go for it!

Musings on Monday

It is late night and my mind cannot stop wandering.  This tends to happen all day long and especially at night.  As a writer, I find the beauty in words from all around me and then my mind gets to wandering.  There are so many ideas that I want to come to fruition.  I realize that I have to take it one project at a time.  I have taken a short break from my novel to write children’s books; so far I have written two.  I am really nervous to write my query letters and submit, but it is 2015 and I know that this is “My Year”.

This year, my focus is on my health and in order to keep my MS under control, I need to take care of myself and zero in on peace and happiness.  Stress had taken control of me for the past decade and it cannot happen any longer.  I notice that I feel so much better when I write, especially for this blog, when I complete a poem, and when I share what I have written. My writing has been a long journey and I will hold onto hope because it is the anchor for my soul.

These words that are in my head are constantly floating around and they make me someone else.  I am a different person with each poem or novel/script idea and if I don’t write it down, then I lose that person.  My goal is to get to a place where what I do for a living is write down those floating words.  And those floating words will support me and my kids and transform the world around me.

So, these were just some things on my mind and if I could offer any advice, it would be to use your gifts.  That’s what they are, gifts, and if we don’t use them there could be a time when we lose them.

Happy 2015!